Makers Gonna Make

Saying Goodbye to Winston the Wonder Pug

Posted on Jan 8, 2015 in Pets | 1 comment

I need this weekend to last forever.  I don’t want Monday night to come, but it has to.  I’ll have time for a proper send off into the unknown for Winston the Wonder Pug.  I can’t ask him to keep kicking around for me anymore.

WinstonLegs03I know we’re doing the right thing for him,

I know he’s not improving, and it’s not for lack of trying.

I know it’s “the final act of love”.  But it doesn’t feel that way.

It feels selfish and wrong.  It feels like I’m giving up on him.  It feels like I’m being mean and cheating him out of time.  I’m not religious, so I don’t subscribe to anything being “his time” or not, but I feel like I just want to spend all my money to make him better.

But that’s a fantasy.

He came to us 4 years ago, and by sheer will and my selfishness, he made it to his 4 year anniversary with us on November 16th.  I won’t go into his Wonder Pug origin stories, since I already talked about that in my Meet Winston the Wonder Pug post.  The food that we’ve been feeding him for over a month trying to get him to put on some weight is very expensive.  I’ve got my own medical issues that we need to put our money and energy towards.  I have to spend a lot of time cleaning up after him since he can’t hold his poop much anymore.  I can’t leave him alone.  He was throwing up last weekend and looking really close to crossing that “Rainbow Bridge” completely on his own.  Humanely speaking, it’s not right for me to keep him alive in this kind of state just because I love him and want him to be around longer.

It still feels selfish.  And painful.  And not real.  But I’ll have all weekend to snuggle with my pug shadow.  Who’s been literally under my feet and by my side for 4 years.  My surrogate baby.  My furkid.  I’ll have time take him for some walks – something I should have done more of.  We’ll have a picnic.  He’ll have a steak.  He’ll have snacks.  He’ll know he’s loved so much – not that there’s any doubt of that.

Tuesday is going to be awful…

WinstonSmile WinstonSaturn-02 WinstonProfile-02WinstonHigh5-04 WinstonHappy02 WinstonGroomer01 AsDogDay2012-01

One Comment

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  1. Marianna

    You’re a good mommy. Hugs to you.