Dear Merchants I Don’t Manage

Posted on Nov 26, 2014 in Affiliate Marketing, Career | 4 comments

I was told I should post these somewhere other than 3:00 AM rants on Facebook.  So here’s some Black Friday week funny from a very frazzled Affiliate Manager!  I’ve even added some that aren’t on Facebook, so enjoy!

Keep Calm My Ass


Dear Merchants I Don’t Manage,
Uhm, by definition it’s not a Black Friday deal if it ENDS at 10 pm PST on Thanksgiving night.

An Affiliate Manager Who’d Manage Your Program Right.

Dear Other Merchant I Don’t Manage,
If you know you’re going to send BF deals on Tuesday, don’t tell me that in the newsletter you send on Monday. Just don’t waste my time and send me ONE newsletter on Tuesday with the deals I want to see.

An Affiliate Manager Who’d Manage Your Program Right

Dear Third Merchant I Don’t Manage,
You suck for sending a TODAY ONLY DEAL email at 3:40 pm.

An Affiliate Manager Who’d Manage Your Program Right

Dear OPM I Don’t Work For,
You’re sending newsletters through the network… include the damn hyperlink to get a code, will ya? FFS… Also, NO I WILL NOT LOG IN AT THE START OF THE OFFER TO GET THE CODE because the start of the offer is a holiday, ya jerks.  Just give me the code and trust that I can READ and won’t post it before it even works.

An Affiliate Manager Who’d Never Work For You

Dear Merchant I Don’t Manage BUT LOVE,
If a deal starts a full week before Black Friday and ends at the end of December, still not really a Black Friday deal.

Hugs & Kisses,
An Affiliate Manager Who Respectfully Disagrees With Your Use of the Black Friday Label

Dear Yet Another Merchant I Don’t Manage,
Why would you add two Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals that are coupon-code, sitewide deals with the same valid dates, yet one for 25% off and one for 26%? Why bother with the 25? I don’t get it.

An Affiliate Manager Who’d Manage Your Program With Logic

Dear Other OPM I Don’t Work For,
No, I will not be nominating you for a Pinnacle Award. Not because I don’t think you do good work, because I actually do. It’s because you asked affiliates in your newsletters.

Another Affiliate Manager That Would Also Like a Pinnacle Award But Won’t Beg


Join the conversation and post a comment.

  1. Christen

    Hahahahahjahahahahahahahhahaha. All of these, all of the time. #SnortLaughing

  2. Karrine

    This is great 🙂 It makes me want to jump back into the online world of Affiliate management, however, I am enjoying the sleep that comes with not being an affiliate manager ….